96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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