I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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