oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
