Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
