3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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