sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
