What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
