i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
