Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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