you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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