I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
