Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
