I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
