remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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