He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
