literally had 100 drinks last night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
