My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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