apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
