I just pynch a tree in the face
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Actions speak louder than pants.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
