I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
