there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
