I think I died a long time ago.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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