Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
