just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The best revenge is premature balding
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
