Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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