Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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