What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
