She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
