this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
