Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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