i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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