Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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