whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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