this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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