I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
