I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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