shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
