We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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