Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
