my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
