I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
