Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
