AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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