i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
