I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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