just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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