Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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