Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
