i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
