I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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