I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
